My family traveled home to Germany yesterday from Belgium, where we spent the weekend with our dearest friends to ring in the new year. While we didn't over indulge, I certainly wouldn't call what we ate healthy. We did make a pot of chili, but we added cheese, sour cream and potato chips as a side. I even grabbed a scoop of Haribo jelly beans from the local store after church. It was my last weekend to celebrate I reasoned.
Now that the weekend has passed however, I'm left wondering what I do now. Should I make another New Years resolution that I've already determined will fail? Should I convince myself that I won't fail and to go for it? Do I muster up the will and the way and just dive in? Why is this time going to be different that every single time I've tried to lose weight before? The truth? I don't know that it will be. I don't have any secret weapons. I don't have any special roots or pills or potions that will aid my efforts, but the alternative is doing nothing. Not trying to lose weight, not trying to live healthy, not setting an example for my children to follow, and not investing in my future and the dreams I have doesn't seem like a satisfactory way to live either.
So here I am at this same crossroads where I've stood every year for the last 16 years vowing to change. One way must lead in a circle, because how else do I wind up here again and again? The other way though, must be the path I'm looking for. The road to freedom from this cycle of repetitive failure, guilt, and depression. The trail I'm taking has potholes and IED's disguised as self doubt, hard days, lack of planning, and well intentioned friends who want me to "just live a little." With lots of prayer and unfailing support from my amazing husband I won't have to travel this journey alone.
So here's to a new year, new friends, new experiences, and a new me! It's 2018!
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